woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
