I heard we made out
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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