you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
