I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
