Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
