Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
someone owes me an orgasm
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
