I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
