well I can't set my house on fire every night
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize