you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
There are leaves in my underwear?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
