5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I need water and some morals
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
