Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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