The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
