Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
