Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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