Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
