if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
