i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
honey bunches of taint.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
