fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize