Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
