Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
