and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
