I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize