apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
