Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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