He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
