we have pet lesbian snakes
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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