A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
