i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
