We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
