I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
