I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize
