i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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