Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i think my tv is drunk
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
