Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
