ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I have fence marks all over my body
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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