oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
