He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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