Yo dont text me then not text me
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
