I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
