Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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