i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
