And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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