Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
