the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
