Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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