I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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