we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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