He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
