my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
