there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
