Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
