Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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