i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
