I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
