you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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