hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We had to coat check the pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize