it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
