These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
two words...techno handjob
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
