I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
