She is in my trunk
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
