the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
