The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
