Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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