Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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