he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
