If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
