I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
