I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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