Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
