Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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