i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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